Devotion #12- The Look

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." James 1:19

 

I was recently the recipient of  "the look." You know the one. The one that says, "What is wrong with you? Why can't control your kid!" The one that makes all your insecurities as a mom come bubbling up and your cheeks glow hot and your mind frantically race. I'm sure I've had that look aimed in my direction countless times, but somehow I have always managed to be stealthy, keeping my head low and eyes diverted so as to avoid possible eye contact just long enough to get out of there as quickly as possible. My sister calls them "circling the wagons" moments. You get your little tribe together and all their paraphernalia gathered in record time and flee, never looking back for fear of what you may find.

I was at a Weight Watchers meeting feeling accomplished that I had actually lost weight for several weeks in a row and proud that I would find the bravery to bring my 18 month old with me to the meeting knowing that she is highly mobile and loves to destroy things. I was attending on a day when I don't typically go without my friend and her baby who provide additional entertainment reinforcements.  This particular day I was sitting in the back with tons of snacks, ironic at a Weight Watchers meeting, with quiet books trying to keep my wandering socialite under control. This particular meeting she sat on the laps of at least three Grandmotherly types in close proximity who honestly seemed to enjoy her and thought she was cute- all except for the highly vocal one across the room.

During a loud segment of the meeting my little one decided to get on the floor and scream. I knew she would get up fast if I ignored her so that is just what I did and sure enough it worked. Disaster averted or so I thought. A head whipped around and the stare lasted a little too long to be friendly. The funny thing is I initially thought the older lady giving me the look was actually being friendly so I enthusiastically smiled back at her but then I noticed her eyes narrow and I heard her say loudly to the woman behind her and to whomever cared to listen, "Cuteness only goes so far!"

 It took just one long, hard look. I sat there with my thoughts becoming more and more defensive. "Did that lady even have kids!? I'd like to see her come back here and trade places with me and deal with tantrums and chase a toddler until she's tired!" "I'd like to see her resist stress eating her weight in goldfish or animal crackers!"

I have always admired people who are quick witted. My mom was quick witted while I was always stunned into silence during a confrontation, feeling sick to my stomach and looking for the nearest exit which never appeared close enough for comfort. I grew up wondering why I wasn't more like her- fearless. Recently during my Bible study time I was reminded in James 1:19 "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." James goes on to say later that God doesn't want us to respond to others carelessly.  Instead we are to be peace-loving, considerate, full of mercy, and sincere. This passage gave me a new perspective of my seeming weakness in my mind to hold my own during confrontations with strangers. It wasn't a weakness but actually a blessing.

 

Quietly, softly like the gentle tug of a little one at my sleeve I heard, "Pray for her because you don't know what she is going through right now." It was so easy for me to wallow in my sea of emotions and miss the subtle lesson intended for me in that moment- it's not always about me. How simple to pray but so powerful. I will most likely never see the ripples that my prayer pebble created, but they are there nevertheless.