Battles

I’ve decided that some battles aren’t worth fighting with my oldest daughter.  It’s something I’ve known for a while now actually. Honestly, I’ve been fighting some of these battles simply because I worried about what others might think. Now I have finally decided that I don’t care anymore. My sanity is too important and if someone decides that I’m not a good mom because of them then so be it. I have enough going on in my bursting at the seams life right now so the thought of releasing some things and finally letting go feels really good.  So here goes the list of items that I am deciding just aren’t that important to me anymore.

1.      Clothes: If my three year old decides to wear head to toe floral prints that aren’t matching, then go for it. If she wants to wear long sleeves during this transitional period of warmer days then have at it. I tell her that she will be hot, but in the end it is her call. End of discussion. I surrender.

2.      Hair: No more hair style fights. If she doesn’t want anything to hold back her long hair I simply tell her why she might want to reconsider, but then I shut up after that. As long as it is clean and brushed, oh well.

3.      Shoes: Her preschool prefers that socks and closed toed shoes be worn since their play area has mulch which could get into sandals and hurt. Lately, sandals have become increasingly popular in my house. I can’t say I blame her as I hate shoes and prefer sandals any day myself and always have. However, I know that mulch in sandals really does hurt and makes it hard to play. All it took was one day of letting her wear her sandals in the car to school even after I told her that her teachers didn’t want her feet to hurt during play time outside. She must have been reconsidering during the car ride because once we got to school she wanted to change. The amazed look on her face when I quietly produced the tennis shoes from the front seat was priceless. So now when I remind her of why it would be better to wear tennis shoes to school, she always chooses the tennis shoes. Done.

4.      Food: Due to my food issues I don’t force everything on the plate to be eaten. I don’t want her to lose her natural ability to self regulate her eating which she does so well. I was a member of the clean plate club myself and all it got me was fat. I have decided that if most food groups are represented (I’m still hoping for more vegetables to make an appearance) and a decent amount eaten, then I’m calling it good. Now as far as variety goes I do wish that more than a handful of different foods were actually eaten. She was a much better eater even a year ago, but knowing that for my child it is a control issue, the more I back off and lay low the better. I just keep offering healthy choices while recognizing that at least the handful of items that she likes are healthy. I wave the white flag.

I don’t feel like I am giving in, just adjusting my parenting strategy. In the past, I think I looked at some of these challenges as “winner takes all” with me having to win. Nowadays, I realize that there is another person involved here, one who has strong feelings and opinions which do actually matter. My job isn’t to win but to direct and guide instead. Ultimately, I hope to raise a strong girl capable of making her own decisions. I’ve noticed already that by me explaining the “whys” behind things the battles seem fewer and farther between. A bridge of trust is being built so that she seems to realize that my recommendations are actually in her best interest too.  She seems to be more willing to yield to me in those areas.

I am overcome by the fact that God operates in exactly the same way with me. I fight him sometimes just to fight. I want control of my life no matter the cost. Self-destruction is guaranteed this way; it is in my blood. But when I yield to Him, He has my best interest in mind all the time. He has the best plan for me and for everyone. In fact, it is the exact plan that we would choose for ourselves if we knew everything that He knows. Yet, we want to continue fighting. It seems so crazy when thought of that way. The Creator of the Universe cares so much for me in this very moment as well as us all. He rejoices over me with singing much as I do over my girls. Who am I to say no to His plan for my life, especially when those plans involve giving me hope and a future?

By being a parent I see facets of His character every day and I see how completely lacking I am unless I yield to Him. There is nothing harder than that. Yet, in the giving up, I gain Him. There is nothing better than that. So again I say some battles are not worth fighting, not with my daughter and certainly not with the Creator of the Universe. I am reminded of the song  “White Flag” by Chris Tomlin. “We’re laying down our weapons now. We raise our white flag. We surrender all to you. All for you. We raise our white flag. The war is over. Love has come. Your love has won.” So true.