I am a
people pleaser by nature. That is to say that I am by nature a liar and a
coward. I have been carelessly flirting with the father of lies for most of my
life. I don't know how to be apart from the lies. Lies to make others feel
good. Lies to cover up my true feelings. Lies, lies, and more lies. A
foundation of them built on sand. So when I finally decided or I guess when I
finally listened and obeyed God in this matter and spoke the truth to a family
member, it came across as heartless and cruel because it was the truth not
candy coated and easy to swallow as my past confections have been.
Add in the fact that I have made an idol out
of this person and our relationship, and things quickly go from bad to worse. I
have craved this person's approval most of my life, allowing it to become oxygen
to my soul. I gave the devil a foothold and he took up residence in my already
wayward heart.
The funny
thing is that even though it was hard to speak the truth, I felt lighter. Even
though I don't know where this relationship goes from here, I feel strangely
peaceful. I don't need this person like I once thought I did and there is a
quiet strength in that realization. Most of my life I have feared the loss of
this person's love and I have fought to hold onto it at all costs. Now my hand
is open and that love can go. And I'm okay with that. There is peace in the
truth. There is liberation in knowing in my heart that the only love I need,
the only love I must have, is the love of my savior. His acceptance is the only
validation I need now or ever. I will never lose His love or approval. I don't
have to work for it, or earn it, or jump through countless hoops to obtain it.
He is my portion forever. When all others have let me down, He never fails. He
is the only certainty I have in an uncertain world. And whatever has to come in
order for me to draw nearer to Him, bring it on. It is all worth that cost. He
will never change. My soul must cling to Him now and forever more.
No comments:
Post a Comment